♫ Worlds away from anyone
♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun
♫ Worlds away from anyone
♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun
♫ It was just enough to keep them far away
- [Lockie] If only life were like a musical -
weeks of preparation, plenty of time to make sure
you've learned all your lines,
so when the big moment comes along,
you're able to say exactly what you need to.
- Clark!
Ashtray, move it!
- [Lockie] Like, I don't want to play
net ball with you anymore.
Or other tricky things like I miss you.
So why would something as random as a musical
pop into my head anyway?
- Life is like a musical.
My new adaptation of Shakespeare's so-called masterpiece,
Romeo and Juliet, is entitled Robeot and Juliet.
A musical.
- [Lockie] Ms. Twaddle was ready to make
her dream a reality.
Sadly for the rest of us, it was shaping up
to be more like a nightmare.
- Set far off in the future, where robot
and man shall coexist.
It's against this backdrop, we bring together
the timeless tale of tragic young love,
featuring two unlikely heroes from opposite sides
of the tracks.
- [Lockie] Egg knew all about the wrong side of the tracks.
He'd just been released from enrichment class,
home to the school's morally malnourished.
- May I see your re-entry papers?
- [Lockie] Egg was nervous about returning
to regular classes again.
The endless questions about where he'd been,
the pain of an old questions' maths test.
- [Man] You're free to proceed.
But one false step and you'll be sent
back to where you came from.
No questions asked!
- [Lockie] But most of all, Egg was nervous
about seeing Sasha.
See, recently she gave him an ultimatum.
- Now, I've expressed interest in becoming your girlfriend
and you have yet to respond to my proposal.
If I don't receive a response by close of business
end of calendar month, the offer will be withdrawn
and I'll return to ignoring you.
This is called a deadline, Egg.
- Robeot, Robeot, wherefore art thou Robeot?
- It's Egg. Remember?
- Like our android hero, you too have recently emerged
from a troubled time in a faraway land!
You are Robeot!
Juliet, I have found your leading man.
Don't you and Sasha make a lovely couple?
- Relationships, they'll do in and while you end them.
And only end in tears once it's all over.
And even then, you're still traumatised.
I mean, look at Rev.
Once you calling each other's names, one starting
with B or G.
It's all over.
- But Egg, you're acting needy now.
If you like Sasha, just say so and get over it.
Besides, it's not like you can avoid her now.
Robeot.
- Phillip.
- Sam, what a surprise.
Didn't expect to see you here.
- Call me coach, at least till after the finals.
So, will we see you down at the court this Saturday?
You missed last week's game.
You're not planning on leaving us
in the lurch again, are you?
- Me? Abandoning the team?
Never heard something so ridiculous.
(laughing nervously) Is Sarge in?
- Hello.
We've just been sprucing up the tea room.
- Hello Phillip, how can we help?
- [Phillip] It's probably not something I should go
into great detail about. You know.
In front of a lady.
- Phillip, why don't you join Snowy and I in the cells?
- This is something we've never had to discuss.
Frankly, I've never found myself in this position before.
It's all very new to me.
- Well you are of that particular age group.
- Under 15s. And it's all happened so fast.
I'm not sure I'm ready for these changes.
- Don't worry son, as your father, it's my duty
to guide you through this.
- [Lockie] Since Ms. Archer broke up with his dad,
Egg had been avoiding her.
- Jeffrey?
- [Lockie] Not because he didn't like her,
he just didn't know what to say to her.
Although it wasn't as if Egg didn't know what
he wanted to say.
- I'm sorry I ruined everything between you and my dad.
It was entirely my fault, and I miss having you
and your curries around.
- [Lockie] But instead...
- Nice day, isn't it?
- Yes. It's lovely.
If you're interested, I've been called upon
to conduct the band for the musical
and I could really do with a guitarist.
- I would, but I'm already booked.
You're looking at Robeot.
- I didn't know you were an actor.
- I'm not. I'm just hoping some of Rev's talent
might rub off on me.
I'm sorry.
- So how is he, by the way?
- He's doing great.
(guitar music)
- You know, it's not quite the same
without the recorder part, but you get the general idea.
- Nice one, dad.
- Maybe you should take up the recorder.
That way, you and I can jam together.
What do you think?
- I think you've got to get out of the house.
And that t-shirt.
- You know you may have a point there, Jeffrey.
All I need is a good reason to get out of the house
and I'm all set.
- Dad? What would you say if I got a big gig for you?
As lead guitarist in a new theatre spectacular.
- I think we need to face the truth.
Phillip is on the cusp of manhood,
the threshold of the great beyond.
I think you two need to have a chat.
- No. I can't chat with Phillip.
I can't even chat about chatting,
not after the chat I had with Lockie.
No, no, you have to have the chat with Phillip
and I'll have the chat with Blob when Blob
is ready for chatting.
Here, Sarge.
- Oh no, no, no. I can't.
I'm not ready.
- Sarge? All you have to do is take Phillip aside,
have a little heart to heart, explain the changes
that he's going through
or catch him off guard when he least expects it.
Hand him the book and back out of there.
In, out, done.
- Deny thy father and get with the programme,
which is human android version 1.0.
- [Lockie] Rehearsals had begun, but Egg wasn't prepared.
He hadn't even read the script.
- Um, roger that. I'm receiving your signal
and it's...
- It's a big affirmative from me!
Meaning you're feeling exactly the same way she does,
you're ready to commit.
- [Lockie] Egg knew what the line meant.
He just wasn't ready to say it.
- And then you move in for the kiss!
Woman and robot.
- [Egg] Move in for what?
- [Ms. Twaddle] Your first kiss!
- There's more than one?
- It's the greatest love story ever told.
- I've gotta run.
- Jeffrey?
- Ms. Twaddle's play is a kiss fest.
It's like every time she didn't understand a word,
she replaced it with a kiss.
- How many?
- Let's just say, she didn't understand a lot of words.
- Just as well we're not in it.
- There you are!
You must be disappointed I couldn't find parts for you
in my opus.
- Yeah. - What a shame.
- If you only had a scaric of talent,
I could have done more.
However, in the unlikely event of injury
or malaria outbreak, I'd like you both to understudy.
- What?
We have to learn other people's lines,
even though we won't get on stage.
- Yes, all the parts except the nurse.
- That makes our jobs easier.
- Oh, it'll give you plenty of time to work on the sets.
Well, they're not going to build themselves.
I've arranged with the cleaners for you to stay
after hours all week.
(off key instruments playing)
- Oh, hello.
What are you doing here?
- Uh, rehearsals for the new hot band.
Part of the theatre spectacular.
- Theatre spectacular? - Yeah.
Looks more like a school musical situation to me.
Oh, not that there's anything wrong with a school musical.
- Did Jeffrey happen to tell you about this?
- He said the conductor urgently needed a guitarist
and had asked for me specifically.
- Oh. (laughing)
I'm sure Jeffrey means well by this,
but don't feel you have to stay.
- No, not at all. I'll stay.
I've changed my t-shirt, after all.
- [Lockie] The stage was perfectly set,
but the Rev was still messing up his lines.
And he wasn't the only one.
- Now there comes a time in every bee's life
when he grows wings.
And he wants to leave the hive and head out
into the big bad world
whereupon he may discover that he wants to fly
with the birds (clearing throat) amongst other creatures.
One day, Phillip, that bee will be you.
With that in mind, I present to you...
The little green book.
Any questions?
I've got nothing.
- Sarge? What seems to be the emergency?
- [Lockie] No one could figure out what to say that day
but if life were like a musical, well,
it'd be a different story.
♫ You're here
♫ So I should tell you what it means to be a man
♫ You're here
♫ He's in your law, can go according to plan
♫ It's not a simple equation
♫ It can be all sorts of mayhem
♫ So you ought to hear it from a relation
♫ On what it means for a boy to become a man
♫ I'm here
♫ So I should tell you that I'd like to be your guy
♫ That there genuinely would be a reply
♫ But I'm afraid it would end in disaster
♫ Like when you mix chocolate through the pasta
♫ But despite my fears, I'd like to be
♫ I'd like to be, I'd like to be
♫ I'd like to be
♫ Your guy
♫ I'm here
♫ So you should tell me that you want me back again
♫ Despite
♫ I made a mess of it just then
♫ And I'm worried you'll say see ya
♫ And so
♫ You suffer from a major case of acute spontaneous
♫ Chronic mouth diarrhoea
♫ Actually it's quite bad but the gist of it is
♫ I want you back again
♫ Back together again
♫ I'm here
♫ You're here
♫ I'm here
♫ You're here
♫ We're here
- Spit it out, dear.
- She's right.
♫ Spit it out, spit it out
♫ There's nothing to fear
♫ We're here. Yeah
[Lockie] But sadly, life isn't a musical.
- I'm going to tell you about
♫ The birds and the bees
♫ And the little happy trees
- Sarge, why are you singing?
- I have to head out.
Once of Mrs. Gurgly's Siamese is stuck up a jackaranda.
- Siamese? What, you have a death wish?
- It's Mitsy, the one with no teeth.
- No, I do not want you going out there without backup.
Um, if you've got any questions,
just have a look in the book.
Anything you need to know, just ask your mother.
Right, let's go.
- Man, there is a lot of kissing in this.
No wonder Egg is freaking out.
- I still don't know why Sarge thought
the little green book would help.
- I don't see how that little green book
helps with anything. It's pretty intense.
- Have you seen what's on page 56?
- Is it a diagram of someone turning off the lights
so their brother can get some sleep?
- [Phillip] No. No it certainly is not.
- Big day Saturday.
- It's not often you have one son performing in a musical
and the other son's got a big netball match, hm?
- It's a shame we can't be in two places at once.
I mean, they both deserve our full support.
Phillip, in particular, may require special guidance,
extra supervision.
- Toughen up, Sarge. Finish what you started.
You're going to that netball match, end of discussion.
(sighs)
- [Lockie] The big day finally arrived:
the opening of the musical, which meant for Egg,
his time was up.
- Any thoughts?
- I'm silver now for 35 minutes.
- Your response is due before the show starts.
- You should have made that clear earlier.
- You're enjoying this, aren't you?
- It's time, please! Gather round, quickly, quickly!
Today is the day. It's time to seize the moment.
Group hug. Arms up! Hug, hug. Come on.
- [Sasha] Robeot, Robeot, wherefore art thou Robeot?
And not like a real person instead,
deny thy father and get with the programme, which is...
Which is...
- [Lockie] And for the first time ever,
Sasha was lost for words.
- Human android romance version 1.0
- I can't do this!
- Juliet, Juliet! Juliet, come back!
- What's going on, Blob?
- Here, take this.
- I don't know the lines. What am I supposed to say?
- Don't ask me. Sasha!
- Um, look yonder, I think I see minstrels approaching.
Play something, anything.
(guitar playing)
- You're on.
- I'm not going out there
- You're right. Not in that outfit.
- [Lockie] Meanwhile, Sarge had decided
it was time to toughen up.
- It's secured?
- Check.
- See you, Sarge.
- Wait, you don't have any other questions
about anything? Maybe something you read
in a book, for example?
- Well, there is one thing I might need.
Why did you give me the little green book
in the first place?
- Oh, well, like I said, there comes a time
in every young bee's life when...
- When they want to quit the netball team
and don't know how to break the news?
- That's the problem? In its entirety?
That's it?
- I have to move on, Sarge.
Netball is getting in the way of my scientific pursuits.
The girls will be devastated.
- Well, all you could do is explain to them
how you feel, honestly.
- Phillip!
- Can you be a bit more specific?
- Well, no, not really. There's not really
a little green book for this so you're just going
to have to speak from the heart.
Go.
- Ladies, it's time we had a chat.
- [Lockie] And Sarge was right.
If you speak from your heart,
you always get the lines right.
And in those moments, well
maybe life can be like a musical.
(upbeat music)
♫ I no longer want to play
♫ Say what?
♫ The passion's gone away
♫ Why
♫ Gotta chase a Nobel prize
♫ Gonna let the ball with you guys
- Honestly, we'll be okay.
(guitar music)
♫ I miss you more each day
♫ Come back to me I pray
♫ Till our next jam session
♫ I'll be in a deep depression
- So let's start anew today
- I do like you, Sasha. I like you a lot.
But how do you know this won't end badly?
Really, really badly? Like Robeot and Juliet?
- This is real life Egg, not a play.
What's that racket?
- [Lockie] Hearing Rev and Ms. Archer jamming again,
Egg realised maybe there can be such a thing
as a happy ending after all.
- So this whole needy emotional thing,
this isn't how you'd be all the time from now on?
If I accepted your offer?
- As if. I'll be too busy nagging you
to feel sorry for myself.
- You really mean that?
(crowd cheering)
- [Lockie] Unless I could memorise the whole script
in 20 seconds, I was set for major public humiliation.
What, this couldn't be Mel.
She's someone I surf with, burp with, fight with.
She couldn't possibly be...
You're a girl.
- You haven't learned your lines, have you?
- I don't think that would matter much right now.
- Quickly, get out there!
- [Lockie] Someone had to save the show.
And even though I didn't know my lines,
suddenly the thought of kissing Mel didn't seem so awful.
Maybe I could do this.
- Lockie, stop. I'm back
- Oh, what a relief.
- Yeah, totally.
(clapping)
♫ I did not know what to say
♫ But I followed what my heart
♫ And I found a way
♫ Life's better as a song
♫ Add a dance, you can't go wrong
♫ Your problems all just fade away
♫ Always, always
Yeah!
- Brush your teeth next time.
- [Lockie] So if life can be like a musical
I figured maybe it was time I tried to create
a musical moment of my own.
(laughing nervously)
- Are you kidding me? That's so not going to happen.
- What? I was just trying to reenact the musical, you know?
The final finale?
Life's better as a song, add a dance, can't go wrong.
- Come on loser, let's go.
- [Lockie] Truth is, life is better than a musical.
You might not always know the right words to say,
or when to say them, that's what makes it so good.
Because when you get it right, it's awesome.
("Worlds Away" by Jebediah)